When Sinned Against

Forgiveness seems straightforward in scripture. ‘Seems’ is the key word. 

Jesus tells us “If your brother repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3). This reference is between two friends (believers/brothers) who are in relationship with one another where sin inevitably takes place. We also see the relational forgiveness with God being dependent on ongoing repentance. First John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all iniquity”. Both of these passages start with “if”. There is a condition to forgiveness being granted and that condition is the offender asking for forgiveness.  The parable of the “unforgiving servant” in Matthew 18 gives the warning that those who have been forgiven greatly by God ought to be quick to forgive others who sin in much smaller ways against them. In this parable the unforgiven offender has pleaded for mercy and asked for time to make restitution, which is denied by the ungrateful one. The “smaller” sinner against the “bigger” sinner has sought forgiveness but it is not granted. Clearly that displeases God and demonstrates the unforgiving one doesn’t know the true gift of God’s forgiveness.

There is also judicial forgiveness where God removes any future judgment or punishment for believers’ sins by grace through faith in Christ. In Romans 8:1 we see that there will be “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. Jesus’ first word in ministry after He returned from being tempted in the wilderness was “repent, for the kingdom of God is near”. Repentance is necessary for salvation. Once justified, the wrath of God is removed and a believer cannot fall back under God’s wrath and be condemned.

So what happens when the “if’ condition of Luke 17:3-4 and 1 John 1:9 are not met? Where does a relationship stand where there is sin that is left unaccounted for? How do you go on in friendship, marriage, or church congregants if forgiveness is not sought and, therefore, forgiveness is not extended. The relationship is not in a state of reconciliation.

Romans 12 tells us to never avenge ourselves but to leave room for the wrath of God. John Piper says, “to hold a grudge is to not trust the judge” (Future Grace). Romans 8 tells us that no one will judge us beside Christ since He is both the justifier and the Just. We are not to punish the offender or try to inflict equal pain on the one who has sinned against us. We are not to gossip and sin against the sinner, either. Judicial forgiveness must be left to God. Only God can forgive a person’s sins to justify them and make them righteous. We are to entrust ourselves and our hurt to God just as Jesus did when he was mocked, stripped, spat upon, and crucified (2 Peter 2). We are to quiet our souls being content that God is the perfect judge and will deal with the sin.

If the offender is a believer we can celebrate the glory of God’s grace. If the offender is a believer, Christ has paid the penalty for that sin and justice has been done by the substitute sacrifice. This is justice. Christ is the propitiation for all believers’ sins. Just as we celebrate Christ’s sacrifice for our sins, we should equally celebrate that Christ has paid for our offender if they are saved. This sinner is under grace and part of God’s family. Do you celebrate Christ’s sacrifice for others?

If the offender is not a believer, we can celebrate the glory of God’s wrath. God’s wrath is glorious! God is holy and as a holy, holy, holy God, sin cannot be ignored. God’s wrath is His settled response to evil. God doesn’t lash out in anger the way people do. God’s wrath is part of His essence that makes Him God. An unbeliever will pay for his own sins in hell as God’s judgment is executed perfectly for each person. Though we will not see this justice take place, we can trust God’s timing and His perfect knowledge of the sinner’s heart and intentions and make the right judgment. Do you celebrate God’s wrath as glorious?

But, what does the relationship look like between an unrepentant offender and the sinned against? Genuine reconciled relationships are only possible when true repentance and forgiveness have been sought and offered. This means there will be a separation in the relationship. However, the separation may be more felt than acted upon. We are called to love our enemies so we should be actively looking for ways to act in kindness and goodness toward the offender (Romans 12). “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.’” (Matthew 5:43–44) One practical way to love someone who has sinned against us is to pray for them. We should pray for their salvation if they are not saved. We should pray that God would work in their heart and draw the sinner near to Himself, if the person is a believer. Even those who actively work against us due to our faith, are to be prayed for! God demonstrates ways that He loves both believers and unbelievers. His common grace is on both groups of people. “I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good (Matthew 5:44–45). God gives good gifts to both evildoers and good doers, referring to unbelievers and believers. So we are to show common good to our enemies as well. God making the “sun to rise” shows on the evil shows His patience in giving them more time to repent. God blesses them with the gift of light and the necessary warmth to grow food and sustain life. We are to give what is needed to enemies as well. This may include speaking the gospel in prayer that they repent and trust in God,  but also includes kindness in practical ways. This must start in the heart.

Our hearts must be so entrusting to God that we can stand next to a fellow believer who has sinned against us and worship joyfully. A heart that celebrates the glory of God’s grace and the glory of His wrath can rest in God’s holiness. Only a person who is trusting in God wholeheartedly can love an enemy. 

You do not need to trust someone to do good to them. You don’t need to trust someone who has sinned against you and not repented of the sin. Trust is earned and grown in relationships over time. Choosing to trust God with an offense is not the same as trusting the offender. This change in the trust does make the relationship different, but should not be out of malice or ill-intent. As believers we must pray to keep our hearts softened and loving toward those who sin against us.